It is quiet this morning in the cozy cottage.
So quiet that the only sounds are the ticking wall clock and the lone song of a brave bird outside.
The bird must be confused.
There is snow everywhere.
But, I'm grateful for that confused bird.
There’s a whiff of spring.
I feel such a longing to be out in the sun.
I turn on the computer, click to my favorite web cam:
Ocean City Maryland Boardwalk Cam
The sun is shining there.
I feel like an astronaut peeking at an unattainable territory through a tiny porthole.
I can't be in the sunshine.
Lupus hates sun.
My lupus also hates fluorescent lighting.
I feel that I have become a mole.
Before lupus I would have been outside on that Boardwalk all day, on the beach, in the water with my boogie board, splashing and playing with my guys, sunning on the beach and basking in the sunlight with a really good summer read.
I haven't adjusted to all the losses that are adding up since diagnosis.
I can't afford to visit that sad place in my heart too often.
That could lead to despair.
I am grateful that I have lived (and will continue to do so) a very full life. I threw myself into the ocean. I gloried in that sunshine and I have such an enormous amount of beautiful memories of the sun.
That care free time now feels like an affair that ended on the best of terms.
I had my time in the sun.
Life is too short...
if there is something you've been meaning to do...
best get at it...
You don’t know if there will be sunshine tomorrow.