Wednesday, October 6, 2004

Because I Love You So Much...

     The Cozy Cottage is quiet right now. Hubby is at work, and Little Bear is at his new school.
     I am missing Little Bear this morning. I miss the long days of just Bear and me hanging out together in the Cottage. Watching Barney, making up silly songs, throwing birthday parties because somebody somewhere in the world must be having a birthday today.
      I miss the adventures, packing his little backpack with an apple and a cookie, a map, a hat... and then watching Bear ride on his choo-choo train through our little house....pretending to be on a great trip far away. But, never too far from Mommy's arms.
     Now Little Bear is on a big adventure in the real world. No choo-choo, no map, just a lunchbox filled lovingly with his best favorite foods so he knows that Mommy loves him.
     After getting Bear shuttled onto the bus this morning, and waiting for the cup of coffee to bring me awake...I opened my pie safe that I keep by the computer.
     The pie safe is handmade by Hubby. This is where I shove all the bills, and assorted paper stuff that just seems to accumulate faster than I can keep up with it.
     I opened the pie safe, I know I was looking for something, but I completely forgot as a huge pile of little index cards came tumbling out of the shelf and onto the floor.
    I picked up all the little cards, and written carefully  in purple were the words "i owe you". Purple is my favorite color... Little Bear knows that.
     My son had stashed a bunch of "IOU" notes into my pie shelf.
      He knows that this pie shelf is where all my important papers go. So I know that these little cards of purple print written so carefully and placed in Mommy's special paper place are a precious gift from Bear. 
     And I think to myself...No, Little Bear, you don't owe me anything.  But, Baby, I owe you so much.
     Little Bear you are the promise that life is full of goodness. You are the laughter in our home, you are the sunshine, you are the joy. You remind me to be the best I can be, you make our family complete. You make rain when you are sad, you make the storm clouds when you are angry and you are the sweet breeze and the fresh cool wind when the smile returns to your beautiful face. You are my heart's dream for the future.
Little Bear it is Mommy who owes you:
IOU my 1000% best
IOU loving words that nestle happily in your heart
IOU the best example of what an adult is supposed to be
IOU my eternal gratitude, you are God's precious gift
IOU a profound respect  and deep compassion for your birthfamily and your ancestors
IOU good spiritual soil that is rich and nourishing so that you can grow roots that will hold you steady when life's storms come your way
IOU a safe harbor to come to whenever you feel afraid
IOU loving affection, sincerity, consistency, fairness, truth
IOU wings so you can fly
IOU an innocent childhood that is not filled up with junk that pours out of the tv
IOU my wisdom
IOU the freedom to learn from your mistakes
IOU the space to let you be yourself
IOU all the important lessons that you won't find in school
Little Bear, IOU more than you could ever know.

Because I LOVE YOU SO MUCH too, Little Bear... I love you so very, very much.


tdain2003 said...

WOW!  I'm in tears.  Very poignant.
Tracy : )

klconard1 said...

Loretta dear, I enjoyed reading this so much!  It brought back some sweet memories for me!
loving you